"I hate myself, because I get angry whenever he talks about her." She began by saying, "I can't show my jealousy since she's already dead." Then she made a dramatic turn after confronting her partner over the hookup.

After discovering that her boyfriend had slept on a vacation with a friend who was terminally ill, a young woman turned to the internet for assistance.

She posted on Reddit, asking for advice about relationships because she was struggling with guilt due to her feelings of jealousy. This is especially true now that the girl has died. She was informed of the affair by friends, but never told her partner.

The post on Reddit garnered thousands comments, advising the woman how to handle the situation.

She expressed her shame by stating that her boyfriend had entered a deep and prolonged depression after the death of his close friend. She said: "This envy is eating me up." I know it wasn't a f--k. Her condition was the reason for their emotional sex. I don't know who started it. "It was probably about how she didn’t want to be a virgin when she died."

Most of the comments on this post encouraged the girl to realize that her boyfriend was being duplicitous, and that she had no cause to feel guilty. Some people advised that she and her boyfriend seek professional counseling.

After confronting her boyfriend, the Redditor realizes that she is a very strange person.

Continue reading to find out the whole story.

Original Post

My boyfriend did not tell me he had sexual relations with a dying friend. It happened while we were together. He is still depressed over her death. I'm feeling jealous and don't know how to react.

If one of our friends hadn't slipped, I would not have known. The girl and my boyfriend did it while on vacation. She was dying and has since died. I am confident that he never liked her. They never went beyond that. She had a secret crush on her. She was the younger sister in their group of friends. This happened in late November or December 2021. She died in March of 2022.

He was in the hospital at the time of her death. It was the first time he had experienced a death, so it was a shock. His mental health was very bad for the last year (I'm not sure if it's allowed to be specific in the sub). The catalyst was not her death, but the fact that she died. He seldom, if at all, speaks about his emotions except to me. I hate myself for getting angry whenever he talks about her. She's already dead, so I can't show my jealousy.

Jealousy is eating at me. I know it wasn't a f--king. Her condition was the reason for their emotional sex. I don't know who started it. I think it was because she didn't wish to die as a virgin. We had never had any sex before. To clarify, she lost her virginity but he did not.

Our relationship is otherwise perfect. Even when he is at his worst, he has always been a great boyfriend. I've had my bad moments and low points before. He was the one who first stood up for me. He tried to convince even my extended families. My family is very strict and did not approve of us. We have been together more than three years, and we've known each other from high school. Both parties have no history of infidelity.

I'm not sure if I should talk to him. I don't wish to push him too far. I also worry that he will dismiss my feelings. What should I do?

This edit is ready to receive downvotes. When I say that he stood beside me, I truly meant it. He tried to convince me to live more than once. This is the first instance of this. Before we got together, we were best friends. It's not fair to me that you are so black and White about this. Sorry for the editing. I am taking the advice on how to break up into consideration. I find rude responses to be annoying.

EDIT2: There are already several insults in the replies. This sub should be moderated more.

EDIT: Only 1 Redditor mentioned that the sex may not have been consensual. This is why I'm feeling bad for being jealous or angry about it. The girl helped plan the trip with the help of other friends. She had been wanting to visit that place for years. They were seven, including me and my boyfriend. The event lasted 3 days and two nights. He invited me along, but I declined. Beach vacations are not my thing. I knew it was a girl's getaway. I knew the other girls and didn't want her to be disturbed on her last trip. This bit me later lol

Husband abandons wife during connecting flight for being late - and the internet is taking his side

The Update... A Day Later

This is a very long post. I apologize for the mess. It's a mess and English isn’t my first tongue. I'm constantly editing my post because I have no idea how to format it.

I'm grateful to you all for giving him the courage to talk about it. The conversation was not angry or accusatory, but just very emotionally draining. I asked as many questions as possible.

TLDR: Boyfriend did not tell me about the affair because he was scared of being dumped. He never fell in love with her or was attracted to it. He is sorry and wants to stay with me. He also said he understood if I didn't. It's possible that the "affair" was not fully consented to. In either case, he disapproves his own actions. I could tell him to calm down.

He said he regretted the decision immediately, but that he couldn't blame his friend (more because of compassion for her illness). He didn't say anything because he was worried about how I would react. He didn't mean to hurt me, but he did because he hadn't told me until now. His mental health is a result of his guilt. He said that he feels more guilty every time he is with me, or when he speaks about his mental illness, and I support him. It's true he mourns her, but he's also upset over "betraying his partner in life" (his words). We sound like we are on a wattpad or soap opera wth. He couldn't talk about it so he talked about her death when we spoke.

My boyfriend said that if it was possible, he'd have asked for my permission. He would've respected my decision, and not done it. He would feel guilty for not fulfilling the wish of his dying friend. He said that he believed that our relationship/feelings for me would later overshadow it. When I asked him if he was emotionally involved in the sex, he confessed that it was due to their close friendship and her impending death. He did it only because they were platonic friends and she was dying. In other circumstances, he wouldn't do it. He didn't find it romantic.

The girl initiated the conversation. He was not drunk, but he was a little tipsy. She made the first move by kissing him. He knew she was crushing on him. He never loved her, was never attracted to her, did not see her as his partner, even after the incident. The act was spontaneous due to strong emotions. It was a spur of the moment decision. He did not ask for my permission. She didn't tell him to f--- her directly, but after kissing and touching him she confessed that she felt for him.

He admitted to me that after the incident he felt awkward around her but he was able to get over it because they were good friends (and she literally died lol). I find it so bizarre that the dying girl dreamed of sleeping with and specifically. She may have just stopped caring because she was leaving us anyway. I'm still conflicted. She wasn't a b*tch even when she was alive. The girl is dead. I am alive, and my boyfriend is with me. What else can I do for her? I honestly feel that I have tarnished his memory of her. She was a good friend then, but now she will be remembered as the girl who destroyed our relationship. I also feel bad for that :/

He said that he did not know. He may take it with him to the grave, because he doesn't want to remember it ever happened. He also said he could've told when he was confident enough. He regrets that he didn't tell me what happened immediately.

He wouldn't let me finish. He got angry, unlike with the other questions. He doesn't like to admit that he may have been abused and especially by someone who has died. He has a terrible mental state and I don't want to ask any more questions about this.

He said no. I asked him what would happen if another friend died after that. He said that he wouldn't do it ever again, given the impact it had on us and our relationship. He didn't wish to see me hurt like this again. He said that it wasn't worth it, etc.

A second thing I asked was what would have happened if they had cured the girl after doing it. He said it would have destroyed their friendship, or that it would take him a long time to forgive her. He said that she shouldn't even have brought it up. I asked him if, even if her life was already over, he would have dumped me in favor of her. He said no. I don't understand why I thought he would dismiss my feelings. He was always supportive of me. I'm sorry for having doubted him.

My bf told me he would do anything to win back my trust. He apologized and asked me to remain with him. He said he understood my point of view, but he also said he was sorry. He would not blame me if he left me and I never forgave because he is aware of his betrayal. He said it still counts as cheating, and that it's wrong etc. He didn't manipulate or gaslight me when I said in this post "I feel bad". He was telling me that my feelings are valid.

I spoke to my two friends about the issue. Our mutual friend did not tell my boyfriend that I had found out. He said that he did not want to be involved, but would still support us both. I asked him whether their group of friends drank on the trip. He replied that the group drank at different times and in various amounts. Even when playing chess, or watching a film. He's a light weight, so he didn't even drink once. She's also sick, so she didn't drink. I asked him if it was possible my bf had been drunk at the time. This is the first I've heard of our friend considering that, because he paused for a moment and said "...probably".

The person I wasn't close to didn't have a lot of information. She was not happy when he said that he had slept with her during the trip. She didn't get into more detail because she didn’t want to be involved.

My boyfriend didn't ask them explicitly to keep this secret from me or to tell me.

Now I have a better understanding of my boyfriend's perspective. I believe a cooling off period is a good middle ground between the advice to dump him/reconsider I received. The scenario is too vague and I can sense how contrite the situation was. We'll try to fix the problem. We love each other still. Thank you for your advice and support.

EDIT I am ready for all the name-calling and downvotes here. Many people fill in the blanks about what happened, what didn't happen, and how my conversations with him and his friends went. Other things are at play that I did not include in my post. This post is already long enough and I didn't want to reveal all the details. I posted it because I thought I owed the sub-update (which, now that I think about it, is also wrong).

However, I am inclined to believe this was cheating. But I doubt that it was consent. He put her feelings above mine. Again, this is a girl whose death was imminent. He thought he was doing a friend a favor. Now we're suffering the consequences, but I'm sure that this action was not malicious.

You are wrong if you think I am making her out to be a rapist, or that I hate her. It's not the same, but I understand how precious life can be because of past experiences. I can understand her perspective. She was always a sweet girl when I met her, and that was mostly before she got diagnosed. You have no idea what it meant to her and those around her, seeing a girl so vibrant with such potential deteriorate before their eyes. You can call me a cuck, but I would have said yes to both of them if they had talked to me.

Mental Health Resources

For mental health help, you or someone else you know may need to text "STRENGTH". .

Get help if you or someone close to you is suffering from depression, or has thoughts of self-harm or suicide. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255), which provides free and confidential support to people in distress, is available 24/7.

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Title: Woman's Boyfriend Had Sex with His Dying Friend - Now She Feels Guilty for Being Jealous
Sourced From: www.toofab.com/2023/09/06/boyfriend-had-sex-dying-friend/
Published Date: Wed, 06 Sep 2023 16:39:39 +0000

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