"I thought that I was educated, and when I woke up I thought I had it all. Guess what? Guess what?

Sandra Bullock spoke with Red Table Talk's cohosts on Wednesday to talk about her adoption journey and motherhood.

The Oscar-winning actress is the mother to Louis Bardo, 11 years old, whom she adopted as a single mom when he was three-and-a-half months old. Laila, nine years old, was in foster care until Bullock adopted her in 2015.

Bullock spoke with Jada Pinkett Smith (Willow Smith), and Adrienne Banfield–Norris. She said that she had an "extraordinary experience through foster care" and that she now has "the most magnificent child to show for the system." Bullock has tried to shed light over the foster system for many years. She admitted that it can be "deep" or "dark" at times and that it is difficult to talk about.

She explained that she had to prove her ability as a parent when she first tried it. "I was halfway through and decided that I couldn't do it. It was an out-of-body experience. You're thinking, "If I don't answer the question correctly, you're not fit."

Adopting a child from three different families before she found her forever home is a difficult decision. Bullock shared some of the trauma that Bullock experienced after Laila joined Bullock's family.

"I kept my children in my closet with their beds and little beds, because I was afraid that I would not be able find them. She said that she would hide in her closet, with all her clothes, and on a book shelf. She'd always tell me that she was leaving. Sometimes it was funny, as she was all power and said, "I'm leaving" and I replied, "I'm right behind you." You can go, but I'm here.

She continued, "My partner Bryan Randall, a photographer she's been dating since 2015, said to me that she had a feeling she was going to see a shift and she loved by leaning in, hugging, and holding them and letting them know they're not going anywhere. "I noticed triggers on a daily basis that were not obvious to me because I took it personally. It was hard to separate myself and not get hurt because all you want is love. But your love isn't gonna cut it there and then."

Bullock also noted that Laila sometimes kept food hidden, and that this was a survival tactic. Bullock stated that her fears and triggers will continue to haunt her for the rest her life, but her "spirit" has grown stronger with each passing day.

Bullock was 45 years old when she adopted Louis in 2010 after her divorce from Jesse James. Bullock said that she was glad the universe allowed her to wait to adopt Louis. While she was focused on her career, the actress said that after having Louis, she knew being a mother was her "path".

After Louis' fifth birthday, Randall was hired by the star of "Blind Side" to take photos. Soon after they began dating, she announced that she was adopting Laila. She called Randall "a saint" and recalled how she had told him that her family would be expanding.

"We hadn’t been together for that long. "Remember the NDA you signed when I photographed your son?" I replied. I replied, "Remember the NDA you signed when you photographed my son?" He replied, "Why?" He said "Why?" She explained that she was bringing a child home from Toronto. He was happy but scared. I'm a bulldozer. My life was already on track, and here's this beautiful human who doesn't want anything in my life but the right person to be there.

She went on to praise Randall for being a great example for her kids, one who is "very Christian", and offers a different way of looking at the world than she does. She said, "I don’t always agree to him and he sometimes doesn’t always agree to me," but she also added, "But they can take away that and that is where it is that they feel drawn to, then he’s the right parent to be in that position."

Bullock also spoke out about being a mother of two Black children, and the details that go with it.

"I'm afraid of everything as a white parent who loves her children. They know that I am causing them existential anxiety. It's important to consider what they will experience when they leave the house. How can I ensure my anxiety is accurate and protective? She explained. Lou, a young Black man, will be sweet and funny at some point. I won't be able to follow him anywhere if he leaves my house. I will. I don't know what to do but I pray that I have done enough to scare them.

Lou has been my student since he was six years old. I wore a hoodie on his heads and taught him how to use it. He saw everything. He was able to process the information, he is a pro at understanding how the world works and he is able to tell Laila how unfair and cruel it is," she said.

She pointed out that Randall was watching "Squid Game" and she complained about it. It wasn't because it was violent but because there were no Black people in it. She stated that her daughter was "so happy" to have this realization and then let it ignite a "fire in their belly" and express it. I let them teach me. They told me what they needed to know. I thought I was well-educated and thought I knew everything. Guess what? Guess what?

Bullock acknowledged that it can be difficult for some people to accept a white mother with two Black children, but she encouraged them to let their love "be the evidence" they are a family. Bullock said, "I wish our skins were matched. Sometimes I do. It would make it easier for people to approach us." She added, "It is our anxiety, fear, and our cross that we must bear as soon as you become a mother. One day, we might be able see with different eyes.

Bullock answered some viewer questions towards the end of the episode. One was from a mother who was reluctant to let her adopted children meet their birth parents.

Bullock stated, "What I will experience in Lou will be very different than what I experience in Lai." It's hard because you aren't a bad parent and you love your child. You're wondering why I'm not doing enough. It doesn't have anything to do with you.

A fan asked her about how she would welcome more children with a new partner without getting married.

"I was through the divorce process. Sandra said, "I found the love of mine, we share two beautiful kids, three children, his older girl -- it's amazing." "I don’t want to say it like it is, but I don’t need a paper for being a devoted partner or mother.

"I don’t need to be told that I should be there in the most difficult of times. She said, "I don't need be told to weather storms with a man of integrity." Before encouraging the woman to consider what kind parents she would be to a child she had no idea about. Think about the children first.

You can watch the entire episode here. Watch Bullock and Laila make a surprise appearance on "Red Table Talk 2020" below.

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Title: Sandra Bullock on Adopting Black Children, Addressing Their Trauma and Coparenting with Bryan Randall
Sourced From: toofab.com/2021/12/01/red-table-talk-sandra-bullock-coparenting/
Published Date: Wed, 01 Dec 2021 17:01:54 +0000

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