This is a story that resonates across generations with women. In heterosexual relationships, women often share a large part of household chores. It takes communication and teamwork to take care of a house, especially if both spouses have full-time jobs. Why is this so difficult?

Emma, a French woman, recently made this complicated and common issue into a comic called Where does it Go. It addressed a variety of issues in home male/female relationships and presented them in an interesting manner.

She begins by showing that women are often portrayed by their partners (and culture as having too many responsibilities and too high standards. You can put off doing laundry tomorrow or organize your closet if it isn't necessary.

Emma says that women are more proactive in household chores and tend to take care of problems before they arise. Men, on the other hand, are more reactive and tend to take care of problems when they arise.

Women may have proactive tendencies due to the fact they are often the ones dealing with the consequences. It's also important to take care of the situation before it gets out of control. This makes things run smoothly and is something men often don’t appreciate. It's a puzzle!

Emma spoke out about Francine Deutsch, an American writer and researcher who said that husbands often feel entitled to their wives’ domestic services. Men are less likely to fight for equal housework when women do the majority of the work.

These numbers prove that Deutsch's research is not always perfect. According to the French Institute of Statistics in 2010, women spent 1.26 more hours per day on domestic chores than men.

RELATED TO: 'Weaponized incompetence' is the latest tactic men use to get out of helping around the house

We are a long way away from the 1950s so it is not acceptable for men to direct women in household chores. They find indirect ways to avoid domestic chores. Emma illustrated this with a comic that included some relatable situations.

1. Passive Resistance

The man will do the laundry on Monday. However, by Friday, the clothes have become so dirty that no one has any clean socks. The woman decides to do the laundry.

"Oh, it wasn't necessary! The man says, "I was about to!"

2. Bad mood

A second indirect strategy is to be unhappy. The woman might help the man if he grumbles too much while vacuuming, and accidentally hits the couch too many times.

3. Overdoing It

Another indirect strategy is to do too much when doing a task. Emma was an example of this.

"You haven’t yet sliced the onion?" The woman questions. The woman asks, "It's hot, and I've cut up the rest of it." The man responds, "No, I saw a video online that said the slices should be at least 5 mm thick." He carefully and methodically cuts the vegetable.

4. Incompetence

To ensure that your laundry is done correctly, if your male partner demonstrates that he does not know how to fold it properly, you will just take it to him. Right?

5. The Zero Independence Approach

The zero independence strategy is another way to avoid chores at home.

You might ask him to do a simple chore ("it's simpler to make the bed with me"), or if he doesn't understand how the house is set up (like asking constantly where the furniture goes), or if he has checked his work ("is that pasta al dente ?").?"

What is to be done?

What is the reason why some men are so sensitive to domestic chores? These strategies don't always happen consciously, as the comic points out.

This is often due to their upbringing and experiences. Their parents, their upbringing, and how things were done for them. Some men should be taught how to manage their own home.

This is a slow process and can present challenges. This type of training can be viewed as nagging by women. Emma suggests possible routes to explore, though there is no magic solution.

If He says he's willing to help

1. Make a list of all household chores. You should include more than just cleaning. Include any household chores such as paying your bills, picking up prescription food, and scheduling your child's appointment with the doctor.
2. You should divide the tasks keeping in mind the mental and physical demands of each task and your personal preferences.
3. You must be committed to completing your tasks in a timely manner.
4. Do not fill in for him when he forgets to or deflects. This will only reinforce his behavior.
5. Give it some time. As with any habit, mastering and owning tasks takes time.

If He "Doesn’t See the Problem"

Emma offers some suggestions for people who aren't willing to live in filth, for those who take their partner’s work as a given, and for those who will only help when asked. For more serious situations, she suggests that you pay yourself for your work and kick him out.

She said that there is no magic solution. However, the first step should always be a conversation. There will likely be multiple conversations about the subject. Do not wait until you are already exhausted and stressed before you start to defend him. Write down your thoughts and schedule a time to talk when you are both calm. You might also consider couples counseling or showing Emma your cartoon. It takes hard work and time to change ingrained behaviors that have been ingrained for years.

Emma knows that these suggestions will not solve the problem, which is universal across the globe. While each person is different, cultural and societal norms play a large part and can be altered with future generations.

Emma's comic was a hit, so make sure you check out her book The Mental Load, A Feminist Comic. She brilliantly illustrates the issue.

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By: Perry Carpenter
Title: Women Spend 1.26 Hours More On Household Work Than Men A Day—This Eye-Opening Comic Explains Why
Sourced From: www.suggest.com/emma-where-does-it-go-comic-household-duties-relationship-issues/2674032/
Published Date: Sat, 17 Sep 2022 21:45:00 +0000

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