Although codependency is a term that's used to describe unhealthy relationships, few people really understand the concept and its impact on those involved. What is codependency? This is not something that only romantic partners experience. This category can also include friendships and familial relationships.

You must first learn what codependency is and determine whether your relationships are in this category. Although a relationship can be unhealthy, it doesn't mean that it is codependent. You can recognize the signs of codependency and learn how to end it so that you can have a better relationship with others.

What is codependency?

A learned emotional and behavioral condition called codependency or a relationship addiction is one that hinders people from building healthy relationships. Although it is natural for people to depend on one another for support, codependent relationships are a dysfunctional relationship in which one person relies on the other emotionally, financially, and physically.

There is always a giver and taker in every codependent relationship. A person's worth is often measured by how they can support their taker. Problems can arise when the taker makes decisions that make it difficult for them to depend on the giver. The giver will feel abandoned and insecure.

The codependent partner will often have an underlying condition such as a mental disorder, addiction to drugs or alcohol, victim of abuse, or a drug or alcohol dependency. Because they are afraid of what the other person will do, both the taker and the giver won't end their codependent relationship.

Theresa Ford, Ph.D., LPC, Creative Counseling and Coaching Services, LLC, gives her take on codependency. One way to define codependency is when your partner gets a headache and you take aspirin. They are so emotionally bonded that they can't tell which one is ending and which one begins.

Where does codependency come from?

A learned condition, codependency can often be found in childhood. It can cause low self-confidence or shame if a child is raised in a home that punishes their emotions. Codependent behaviors can form when this happens along with the need to take on adult responsibilities young in life.

Carrie C. Mead, LCPC describes it best. "Codependent tendencies often result from dysfunction in the childhood home whereby a child had to carefor the parent because a parent suffered from chronic illness or was addicted to drugs, for instance." It's important to remember how childhoods can be so defining.

Mead continues to give a strong example. "The child begins to believe that their parents are incapable of functioning without them, and he or she takes pride in the ability to take care of someone. This person will now look to'rescue their partners' as an adult. They will gravitate to those they can help, such as addicts. Each partner now depends on the other in a severe and unhealthy way. Are you familiar with this scenario?

What does codependency look like?

You need to know the signs you should look out for in order to avoid being codependent or find out if you are stuck with a codependent partner. These behaviors can be identified in many ways. You can check to see if any of these sounds familiar.

Signs that a person is codependent:

• Approval is a constant requirement
• Self-worth is measured by how others view them
• A tendency to avoid conflict
• To keep peace, it is common to accept or apologize for wrongdoings
• Extreme interest in the routines or behavior of others
• An inclination not to meet the needs of others
• Makes or manages decisions on behalf of others
• Excessive caretaking to the point that it becomes controlling
• Do not take on too much in order to be praised or relieve others of a burden
• People are happy to take on tasks they don't like so that others can be happy.
• Having overwhelming fear of rejection or abandonment
• Feeling guilty or anxious when they do something themselves
• Idealizing others to extreme levels is a dangerous habit.
• Continually trying to help those who are unable to take care of themselves

You may be in a codependent relationship

• It is difficult to recognize, respect, and reinforce boundaries
• Inability to make decisions in a relation
• having poor self-esteem
• Excessive responsibility for others
• To avoid conflict, you should walk on eggshells
• You are obligated to check in regularly with the other person
• You can't make decisions, or go anywhere without permission.
• Apologizing when you shouldn’t
• Placing them on a pedestal
• You go above and beyond to help them, even if it's not your intention or you aren't comfortable
• Losing your self-esteem
• You can't seem find the time to take care of yourself

This is an example of codependency. An adult should not have to be dependent on the giver for their care. The giver may help them with a variety of issues, including a health problem, weight loss, addiction, or mental illness. The giver is able to help them by being an enabler.

A romantic relationship that is codependent can be illustrated by the giver not taking care of themselves, their job or their friendships in order to be with their partner. The giver puts all their energy and time into the relationship, and leaves nothing for them. They might be manipulated by the taker, most likely unintentionally.

How to Stop Being Codependent

There are many steps you can take once you realize you are in a codependent relationship. First, you need to understand what a healthy relationship looks like. Trust, respect, support and honesty are all signs of a healthy relationship. It is important to feel at ease expressing emotions, showing affection, as well as maintaining your individuality.

Gain Independence

You can regain your independence by pursuing your hobbies or engaging in new interests that will expand your network of friends. Even if that means you spend a few hours in a mall or watching a movie, take time for yourself. For a healthy relationship, self-care is crucial. Personality Max founder Cynthia Halow recommends that you "find a hobby" to maintain a healthy relationship.

Reconnect with Us

Codependency can often lead to other relationships being neglected. It is essential that you reconnect with important people in your life if you want to regain your independence. These could be your old friends, colleagues, or family members that you have lost touch with. Halow says you should "engage in activities not involving your partner." Halow explains that you should do things alone, such as go to the museum, watch a movie or walk every day. Participate in activities that aren't involving your partner or relationship. Even going on a date with yourself to the movies can be a good idea.

Learn To Set Boundaries

A healthy relationship requires boundaries. They must be based on open and honest communication. You must not only communicate your needs but also listen to them.

Be selfless

A healthy relationship requires more than taking time for yourself. It is okay to be selfish and not allow others to do the things that you aren't interested in, even if they make someone unhappy. Halow explained that this could mean "stop doing things in your favor." Be selfish and put yourself first. If you don't feel happy about something, either turn it down or stop doing it. Do more things that bring you happiness and don't harm you or anyone else." It's time to cancel the night out and take a lot more naps.

Get Therapy

Therapy is often required to overcome codependency. You may be interested in group therapy, family therapy or relationship therapy depending on your particular circumstances. The therapy will differ for the giver and the taker of the relationship. Individual therapy will be required by both the giver and receiver.

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By: Rose Burke
Title: How To Stop Being Codependent: Seizing Your Autonomy
Sourced From: www.suggest.com/how-to-stop-being-codependent-seizing-your-autonomy/2602962/
Published Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2021 17:30:00 +0000

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